fbpx

Suicide Prevention: What you NEED to Know with Scott Tillema, Ep #148 

Many people are struggling in the midst of the Coronavirus crisis. Some have lost their jobs and were the only source of income for their family. Others have become ill or know someone who has passed away. Many people feel lonely and isolated from loved ones and are struggling with thoughts of suicide. What do you do if a friend or family member is suicidal? What are some suicide prevention tips? What resources are available to guide you? Scott Tillema shares important suicide prevention strategies in this episode of Negotiations Ninja. Do not miss it.

Scott is a Police Lieutenant currently serving as the Department Coordinator of Training and Emergency Services in the Chicago suburbs. Scott spent many years in police hostage and crisis negotiation. Now, Scott works with the Schranner Negotiation Institute as a trainer and with the BigSpeak Speakers Bureau as a keynote speaker. Scott also travels the country speaking to police hostage negotiators, offering insight and training.

Outline of This Episode

  • [0:34] Crisis negotiation and suicide prevention
  • [2:28] Scott Tillema’s background in negotiation
  • [4:33] Scott’s 4-Step suicide risk assessment
  • [13:10] If a loved one is on the edge—what do you do?
  • [16:22] Words or phrases to avoid in difficult conversations
  • [18:33] Scott’s volunteer work with the crisis text line
  • [21:15] Connect with Scott online

Scott’s 4 Step suicide risk assessment

Where do you need to start the conversation? Scott shares 4 steps that he uses to gauge the severity of the situation:

  1. Ask them if they’re having suicidal thoughts. Set the tone by letting them know you care about them and you’re worried about their safety. Scott implores you to “Be someone who DOES care—whether this person be a stranger to you, or whether they be a coworker or a family member.” If they say they’re not suicidal—at least they know that you’re available for a conversation when and if they need you.
  2. Ask if they have come up with a plan. Whether the plan is pills or a weapon, most people who are suicidal have thought about some plan to carry out their intentions. This escalates your level of concern. Even if your heart is in the right spot, you cannot help someone without the proper training. Get the support you need. You don’t want to question if you did the right thing.
  3. Ask if they have the means and access to carry out their plan. Do they have a gun? Are they looking to get one? You need to assess if they have the access and the means to carry through with their plan NOW. At this point, you know it won’t take much to follow-through.
  4. Ask if they have immediate plans to commit suicide. This isn’t where you help them find a therapist—this is when you pick up the phone, dial 9-1-1, and get them immediate intervention.

These 4 steps will give you a baseline of where you’re at with this person and how quickly you need to intervene or act.

Reach out for professional support

If you don’t have someone to support you and your friend, the likelihood of you being successful is low at best. That’s why Scott recommends you reach out for professional help immediately. If you can’t call 9-1-1, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 to get someone on the phone. You can also have an anonymous text conversation with a trained counselor by texting 741741. Don’t do anything to incite this person to act. What does that mean? Listen to the full conversation for Scott’s thoughts.

Focus on the how—not the what

What do you do when you come across someone on the edge? Someone who is about to commit suicide, and you’re the only person who can intervene? Obviously, you don’t want to use a phrase such as “calm down” because it can escalate the situation.

Scott points out that the situation is going to be unique to the person you’re talking to and the situation they’re in at that moment. The words you say may be important, but the way you convey them is even more important. Deliver in a thoughtful, loving, and compassionate tone. It can cover a multitude of mistakes—including using the wrong words. You can even apologize for saying something that may have upset or offended them.

Slow down your words, talk in low and soothing tones, and be curious. The goal is to get them to open up and talk and keep them calm until help arrives. Scott shares some questions you can ask to get them conversing with you as well as other resources available to you—so listen to the whole episode now.

Resources & People Mentioned

Connect with Scott Tillema

Connect With Mark

Subscribe to Negotiations Ninja

What is a Group Purchasing Organization? with Anthony Clervi, Ep #147

What is a Group Purchasing Organization? How can it benefit procurement in numerous businesses? How does a Group Purchasing Organization fit into your overall procurement strategy? In this episode of Negotiations Ninja, Anthony Clervi joins us to answer these questions and convey the usefulness of a partnership with your business.

Anthony Clervi is the president and CEO of Una. He helps companies of all shapes and sizes save money on indirect products—from office supplies to telecommunications. His goal is to connect with their supplier partners and members in a way that offers value to all parties.

Outline of This Episode

  • [2:32] Who Anthony is and what he does
  • [3:35] What is a Group Purchasing Organization?
  • [6:33] What’s been happening in the industry amid the COVID crisis
  • [9:31] The biggest factors that lead to success with supplier-partners
  • [13:33] What’s happening in the group purchasing space
  • [17:08] The general business community is missing out
  • [19:54] How to ascertain what a business needs from the GPO

What is a Group Purchasing Organization?

A Group Purchasing Organization—often shortened to GPO—negotiates contracts with major brands in thousands of different categories. They’ve leveraged and negotiated contracts that allow for speed-to-savings and speed-to-service. Anthony simplifies it even further: “We help you as the small or mid-cap businesses buy like the big guys.” Anthony points out that most GPOs are free to join. You jump on contracts that make sense a-la-carte and work directly with the supplier. Anthony refers to a GPO as a sourcing hero. They help you find a blended approach with your procurement strategy, with the goal to help you stop worrying.

How Una takes it one step further

A GPO can achieve scale and leverage in ways other people just can’t do. Anthony lets us in on a secret: Una offers average savings anywhere between 10 and 20% on hundreds of different categories that they have in their portfolio. But then they try to go beyond that to have conversations with C-suites or owners and ask: “What does an additional 10% to your bottom line do for your valuation as a company? What does it do for your employees? If you can save 10% and there’s an increase in your bottom line, what other investments can you make?” So there’s this cascading effect where they try to go beyond just the savings. They like to think strategically and long-term with their members and future members.

Most businesses don’t know the opportunity is available

A group purchasing organization isn’t a novel concept in business, yet the general business community doesn’t even know that this opportunity is available. They don’t know the value they’re missing out on. Anthony points out that it’s been amazing to see the general business community—from shipping to office supplies, technology to PPE—are learning they can access GPOs.

The average member that Una targets is anywhere from a thousand employees to 5,000 employees. Anthony is shocked by how much businesses don’t understand the space, what’s available, or even that there’s not a lot of strings attached. “We are continuing to find ourselves educating different verticals just in the general business community that continues to surprise us on a weekly basis.”

For an in-depth discussion on who Una is, what they do, and how they offer unique value to their supplier-partners and members—keep listening!

The important job of a group purchasing organization

Anthony points out that their job is to help supplier-partners and members partner to find real wins—not just short-term opportunities that don’t benefit both parties. It may be a mindset shift for a lot of procurement people to think that way. But with all of the risk that’s involved, we need to start having those types of conversations.

You need to make the conversation a proportionate back-and-forth. Are you working with your incumbent? Are you going to bring another party in and that’ll change the conversation? Their job is to facilitate healthy tension between various supplier partners and the end-user/members.

They work together to find co-marketing and co-branding opportunities. There is so much value in simply saying “I’m using this company.” The vote of confidence is huge. Many brands will make serious concessions if they get marketing opportunities.

Above all, Anthony is a big believer in the value of transparency and building relationships. You treat people how you want to be treated and exercise patience. Building relationships and strategic partnerships take time—but all good things take time.

Resources & People Mentioned

Connect with Anthony Clervi

Connect With Mark

Subscribe to Negotiations Ninja

Busting Negotiation Myths with Dan Oblinger and Allan Tsang, Ep #146

If you want a glimpse into the conversations experienced negotiators have on a daily basis—a sort of “scotch talk”—tune in to this episode of Negotiations Ninja! Dan Oblinger and Allan Tsang join me for a Q&A session where we dispel some common myths about negotiation. We chat about changing your mindset and viewing negotiation as a craft—not a gimmick.

Dan Oblinger is a business consultant and negotiation coach with 10+ years of crisis negotiation experience under his belt.

Allan Tsang, by day, is a negotiation coach and trainer to executives, entrepreneurs, and professionals. By night…he is also a negotiation coach and trainer—working with people in Asia.

Outline of This Episode

  • [0:32] Dan Oblinger and Allan Tsang Hijack the show!
  • [1:53] Dan Oblinger’s background in crisis negotiation
  • [3:03] Allan Tsang’s background in negotiation coaching
  • [4:25] How did their Q&A’s on LinkedIn start
  • [7:44] Their biggest negotiation pet peeves
  • [13:20] There is no easy button in negotiation
  • [18:28] The interplay between strategies, tactics, and mindset
  • [23:41] The importance of role-playing negotiations
  • [25:23] Dan’s takeaway for the audience
  • [27:28] Allan’s takeaway for listeners

Dan and Allan’s #NegotiationTribe on LinkedIn: Busting Negotiation Myths

Dan and Allan both love studying negotiation and they love practicing it. They bounce ideas off of each other constantly—often in the middle of the night while they’re both still working. They started hosting a Q&A as a way to collaborate. There’s nothing quite like Q&A—it’s unscripted, untamed, and quirky. They are serious about the craft, but not serious about themselves, which makes for a hilarious yet educational Q&A.

They started hosting a Q&A because they saw a need that needed to be met. There are a lot of myths, misconceptions, and invalid ways of thinking and behaving that are running rampant in the industry. Many businesses are needing to negotiate and re-negotiate right now as their businesses are in a state of flux due to the coronavirus pandemic. But they don’t know how to negotiate properly.

When you’re in front of an audience and people ask you questions, you can’t blow smoke. They’ve had interested college students who know nothing about negotiation join their Q&A session, all the way up to experienced negotiators and peers. It’s about bringing people together—and dispelling some common negotiation myths that need to bite the dust.

Myth #1: You always get what you want

When Allan is hired to train sales teams or executive management, he discovers they’ve had other negotiation training in the past. Shocking. Even worse, their previous negotiation training was full of misconceptions and invalid strategies that should never be used in negotiation. On top of that, they’ve been following these “old ways” religiously. So Allan notes that his first hurdle is to overcome the negotiation myths that have been pounded into people.

The biggest negotiation myths he’s encountered? The concepts of always having a “win-win” negotiation and only doing business with people you like and trust. Newsflash: you don’t get to only work with people you like. Likewise, a win-win isn’t possible in every scenario. There will be a give-and-take to get the outcome you need for your business. Even then, you won’t always get what you want.

Myth #2: Negotiation comes with an easy button

Everyone seems to think there are easy answers or “3 Simple Steps” to improve your negotiations and walk away winning. Sure, some simple strategies, techniques, and tactics can help you win in the short-term. But they don’t give you any depth moving forward when you’re trying to build a mutually beneficial and long-term business relationship.

There are some techniques that you can’t reuse. As Allan so perfectly stated: There are only so many times you can use a side-kick on someone before they chop your leg off. What is the easiest way to be adaptable in these kinds of situations? How do you overcome the desire for “easy” and switch your mindset? Dan and Allan share their take—so keep listening.

Myth #3: Knowledge is power

The idea is that knowledge is power is a lie. The application of knowledge is power. Dan takes the thought one step further: It is the ability to apply that power in all circumstances against an adversary in the least hospitable environment. Allan points out that knowledge without roleplay, without practice, is like trying to learn the art of martial arts from a Bruce Lee interview in a magazine. It’s completely useless.

Practice is the mother of all skill. Repetition is the mother of all skill. There’s a difference between knowing something theoretically and knowing something practically. And until you apply the theories you’re learning, you don’t know how they actually work and how to apply them correctly.

In this episode, Allan and Dan chat more about the power of listening, practical application, and learning new skills. They talk about how negotiation is a craft—it can’t be a hobby or an interest. If you’re ready to take a deep dive into negotiation, give this episode a listen—and check out the resources for information about their ongoing negotiation Q&A’s.

Resources & People Mentioned

Connect with Dan Oblinger

Connect with Allan Tsang

Connect With Mark

Subscribe to Negotiations Ninja

How to Embrace an Eastern Mindset in Negotiation with Mala Subramaniam, Ep #145

How do you apply an Eastern mindset in negotiation? What are some of the core principles that Eastern cultures base their negotiations on? How can an American embrace some of these principles to create long-term and successful relationships? Mala Subramaniam joins me in this episode of Negotiations Ninja to educate us on Indian and East-Asian negotiation and how it differs from American and/or European styles. She also shares seven successful behaviors you can embrace from an Eastern mindset that will have a long-term impact on your negotiations.

Mala Subramaniam is an executive coach, corporate speaker, and cross-cultural trainer who has spent over 20 years blending Eastern and western negotiation styles. She is also the author of the book: Beyond Wins: Eastern Mindset for Success in Daily Business Negotiations. Don’t miss her expertise and insight in this informative episode.

Outline of This Episode

  • [1:47] Mala Subramaniam’s background in negotiation
  • [4:15] The difference between an Eastern mindset and Western mindset
  • [6:18] The differences in communicating the word ‘no’
  • [8:34] Seven behaviors that set you up for success
  • [16:52] Meditation and mindfulness as part of negotiation training
  • [19:52] The concept of Chakra in negotiation
  • [22:04] Why the intention doesn’t align with an Eastern Mindset
  • [25:21] One negotiation style does NOT fit all
  • [27:33] How to connect with Mala Subramaniam online

The differences between Eastern and Western approaches

Mala points out that the North American focus is on signing contracts and getting the deal. Once the contract is signed, the negotiation ends and there tends to be little ongoing communication beyond what’s necessary. The Eastern mindset is that a negotiation is relationship-driven. Mala emphasizes that you have to get to know the people you’re working with: “The contract is not the end of it—it’s the beginning of a relationship. You have to build a relationship.” But American negotiation is structured, time-driven, process-driven, and can be very formal.

In the United States, we are very direct with “no” whereas in Asian countries you won’t hear a direct “no.” Instead, there will be an indirect “no” that you have to learn how to hear. They will be nice and polite and give indirect hints. Mala shares an apt example: If you invite someone in India to a meeting, they’ll say “Yes, yes” and will ask what the date and time is. Then they’ll say “Did you see the invitation I sent to you for my son’s wedding?” That is how you know they’re busy that day and cannot come. In India, the “R” in RSVP stands for “Rude.” It’s rude to expect people to say they can or cannot come.

Cultural differences in negotiation

Mala notes that North Americans get very specific in a negotiation. We dive in with timelines, deadlines, pricing, and immediately go into the facts and specifics. In India, the Eastern mindset is to take a top-down approach. You have to look at the broader approach and the long-term relationship first: What is the company going through? What are the problems? How can this project solve that problem? You have to position the project and who you’re going to be working with. So the “who” matters a lot in Asian countries and the “what” matters in the United States. Mala shares seven behaviors that set you up for success in negotiation—listen as she takes a deep-dive into a concept she outlines in her book!

The intention of “winning” doesn’t align with an Eastern mindset

In negotiation with an Eastern counterpart, you should not go in with the sole intention of winning. A “win” is event-based with a beginning and an end, and it is short-term in duration. You don’t go in with the intent to make the most money or argue over how much they’d pay. A win-win is not quantifiable and there is no shared understanding or goal.

Instead, Mala notes that the Eastern mindset is that your intention should be to go in to build a relationship. Mala started working with a company where she intended to set up an executive coaching program. It came into fruition four years later than she dreamt of it, but it happened. She didn’t go in with a “win at all costs” attitude. She went in with a goal that would benefit the business she was working with. Mala ends her thought by saying “Success is like a journey. It is long-term, and at the same time it produces results.”

One negotiation style does not fit all

Mala advises that you shouldn’t go read a book or attend a training session and take all of the tools you’ve learned and start applying them. If it doesn’t fit you and your personality—and isn’t who you are—it won’t work for you. It may not work for the client. You have to be sensitive to your audience and cannot embrace “one style fits all” in negotiation. The circumstances dictate whether you will change, shift, or pivot your style and tactics. There is such a wide spectrum of styles and abilities. There’s a huge collection of books and resources available—and all of them help. If you get stuck on one methodology or one process, it is crippling to the success of your negotiation.

Resources & People Mentioned

Connect with Mala Subramaniam

Connect With Mark

Subscribe to Negotiations Ninja

Genius Negotiation Tactics You Can Learn From a Car Salesman with Tim Kintz, Ep #144

Are you a car salesman or sales negotiator? Do you understand what the car sales process should look like? Even if you aren’t a car salesman, this episode of Negotiations Ninja is packed with some amazing insight on sales negotiation. Tim Kintz—the President of the Kintz Group—shares how to make the sales process more effective from a different perspective. Tim offers consulting for the retail side of the automotive industry—everything from training, to seminars, to workshops at Top Golf. If you want to get into the mind of your buyer, don’t miss this episode of Negotiations Ninja!

Outline of This Episode

  • [1:24] Tim Kintz brings a different perspective to the podcast
  • [2:55] What does ‘negotiation is optional’ mean?
  • [3:50] Why don’t salespeople ask for full price?
  • [4:37] Avoid letting your emotions cloud the process
  • [5:36] Negotiate out of inspiration—not desperation
  • [7:04] Whoever cares the least about a deal…
  • [11:44] The right questions to ask customers
  • [14:23] Whoever starts the negotiation has the advantage
  • [17:23] What are removable objections?
  • [19:47] Don’t be afraid to negotiate

Why are salespeople afraid to ask full price?

Tim points out that if you believe that you have a great product, the price is fair, and you see the value in the product—there is nothing wrong with asking for full price. If you believe in your product and the process you follow and you did the right thing for the customer, why shouldn’t you get full price? Yet car salesmen—and salespeople in general—are afraid to ask for full price. Why is that?

Tim points out that sometimes the salesperson knows they didn’t earn the right to ask full price. While you must recognize that you’re not always going to get full price—especially when you’re selling negotiable items such as cars and houses. But if you didn’t do a good job and you know you didn’t do a good job—whether it’s conscious or subconscious—then you don’t feel like you have the right to ask full price.

Secondly, salespeople are afraid of hearing objections. They’re afraid because they don’t know how to handle or overcome objections. So they default and let their emotions take over the logical part of the car deal.

You have to STOP caring so much

Whoever cares least about a deal, wins. Tim shares that a customer needs to want whatever you’re selling more than you want to sell it. You need to help them realize that the car you’re trying to sell is the solution to any pain point they may have. It’s not that you don’t want to sell the house, or the car, or the product—but whoever’s willing to walk away from a deal is going to get the best deal. 

That’s why it’s your job as a car salesman to do a good job of listening to your customer. You need to ask open-ended questions so you show them the right vehicle. Tim points out it is then your job to help them envision the vehicle you’re selling as part of their life. They need to see a vivid mental picture and believe it is the solution they need. Only then do you sit down and negotiate. At that point, it’s just a matter of, “let’s fit this into your budget” not “do you want it.”

Don’t sit down to negotiate if the customer isn’t committed to the purchase. Why? Listen to find out.

The importance of lowering your customer’s guard

As a car salesman, it’s your job to lower your customer’s guard. Tim states, “It’s all about being able to ask open-ended questions, shut up and listen to understand—not listen to respond. Once you do that, then you lower that customer’s guard.”

When people go out to buy a car, they’re automatically guarded. Everyone believes the reputation that a car salesman is a pushy person who only cares about the almighty dollar. That’s just the reality of it. But if you master asking open-ended questions and listening, they let down their guard and become open-minded about you—and about the purchase.

If you do that—and if you can help them envision the car in their life—they’re confident when you say “I think this is the perfect car for your family.” When you sit down to negotiate, they trust you. Trust is the ultimate goal of any salesperson—and you have to earn it.

Build-in removable objections

Tim emphasizes the necessity of adding removable objections to your sale. What does that mean? Put things into the deal that you can afford to take out. For a car salesman, that means you start negotiating with the shortest financing terms and the highest percentage of cash down. So how does it work if you’re selling houses, products, or services? What if you’re the buyer? Tim shares so many useful sales resources and tactics in this episode. If you’re ready to boost your sales negotiation game—don’t miss this one.

Resources & People Mentioned

Connect with Tim Kintz

Connect With Mark

Subscribe to Negotiations Ninja

Unleash The Negotiations Ninja Within

Struggling to close that deal? Need a boost? Sign-Up to our Newsletter and Download Mark’s free E-book to get started changing the way you negotiate.

Contact Us

mark@negotiations.ninja

Visit Contact Form

Follow Us